One of the difficulties was the constant advice of others. "If she were my kid she would get a spanking for screaming like that," "You are too easy on her. She needs more severe consequences."
The only problem with that thinking is that she has never connected behavior with consequences. She will say sorry forever, but she still doesn't connect the dots. Autism shows itself in repetitive questions, statements, movements and thoughts. The developmental delay is by far more difficult because she is unable to do so many things.
She is able to make her bed and clean and organize her room excellently well. She can do perfect kitchen cleanup, as well as clean a bathroom perfectly. She can feed the animals, clean the aviary, and feed the birds. She dresses herself and is always clean and well groomed.
She cannot hook her own bra, brush her own hair, vaccuum or mow the lawn in a straight line. Nothing that requires the "bigger picture" is possible for her. She can write in very large letters but cannot spell or read beyond beginning second grade level.
We taught her tiny steps at a time, thinking that whatever we taught her would be the way she always did that particular task.