We have found some things that help.
1. Talk about expectations, and be clear what your expectations are.
2. List the activities you plan to do, be specific about what you will wear, who will be there, what behaviors are expected, how long you will be there.
3. Ask for 3 gift suggestions, only one of which can be a gift card. Limit them to $25.00 each.
4. Make a calendar of events, including when the children will be visiting natural family. Again, talk about expectations.
5. Have some kind of plan such as "Secret Santa" to help the children think of others and have fun planning how to please someone else.
6. Have activities in the home like making decorations to help them feel a part of the holiday and feel some ownership.
Although this is a stressful for adults and children alike, we can have a good time and bless each other. The whole idea - HAVE FUN.