This is the general philosophy for all community outings. If the client that had these unacceptable behaviors requests an out-of-program outing such as having her nails done, it is appropriate for the counselor to say, "Yes, but I believe we need to evaluate your behavior the last three days and find another way you can tell us what you need. Swearing at us is offensive and while I would love to take you to get your nails done, there are some things I would like you to correct first".
The difficulty the counselors have is that this is not a fast process, and requires them to be calm and purposeful in all their dealings with the clients. I have discussed in this blog before Dr. Glassor's Seven Connecting Habits and Seven Dis-Connecting Habits. These Connective Habits are the most effective tools we have.
We can all learn techniques such as re-framing, allegory, asking questions instead of telling, and using language appropriate to the communication. When used with habits such as encouraging, listening, negotiating, accepting, supporting, trusting, and respecting, we build trust with the clients. It is only then that they will allow us to share in their distress, difficulties and lives.